Parents Paying?

Believe it or not, some parents are unconsciously smashing their child’s wedding dreams into tiny little pieces. Why you ask? Our research has revealed that because the parents paying (of brides, grooms or both) feel as if they have significant say in the overall wedding decision making process.

On one specific occasion I remember sitting down in a meeting with the bride and her family only to have the future Mother-in-law storm out and hastily drive away (leaving the bride stranded at my office) all because we – the wedding planners were taking the brides wishes very seriously vs. the parents eagerness to literally take charge of the event. This left the bride in tears because she was torn between telling us what she really wanted, vs. the out spoken, authoritative decisions her family was making on her behalf. The parents paying for the wedding was literally tearing her apart.

Another example; Imagine a bride having this life long dream of having a specific tent set-up for her reception, even provided pictures and had her wedding planners spending months organizing the creation of this masterpiece.  Yet in the end, the parents paying would not approve it.  You can’t imagine the amount of work everyone put in on the brides vision or how it made the bride feel when she literally had to give up her dream. Yet, the bride remained silent out of respect for the parents paying.

Over the years we have seen brides having to forget any dreams about having cinematography, fabric draping, custom plate-ware, specialty lighting, favorite centerpieces, choice of cake design, floating candles and more. At the end of the day, this event literally oozed their parents wedding and barely reflected the personality of the couple at all.

With that said we want everyone to know that we are not trying to tell parents to completely “butt out”. We really do understand both the bride, groom and the parents heart felt intentions in the planning process. However, it is our job to shed some light on this unspoken topic so that couples and the parents paying have a better understanding of the real issues they may be presented with.

Here are some simple suggestions to help families work together in order to achieve a “fairytale ending”.

• Trust your children as responsible adults.
• Set the ground rules ahead of time and write them down.
• Try and discuss who has control of what decision and whom will be the main contact person for the planner or vendors.
• Parents, set a budget for your children and allow them to manage the funds themselves as a husband and wife would do.
• Be accountable for keeping a financial log to show your parents.
• Parents, please don’t take charge of the wedding.
• Designate other important tasks to the parents. i.e. rehearsal dinner, bridal luncheon etc.

Parents Paying by First Class Weddings

For more information, photos, and helpful advice become an exclusive part of our network by signing up at firstclassweddings.com